I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
