I heard we made out
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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