I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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