I CAN MOONWALK!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
