I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
