im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
