Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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