After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
