plz talk dirty to me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
