He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
