11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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