I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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