the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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