dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
