are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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