the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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