He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
