You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
