I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
