it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
