If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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