it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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