Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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