I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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