That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
