Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
