i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
