She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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