Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
