I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
