Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
