So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
