Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i barfeds in our rink
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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