I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
