he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
