Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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