just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
