I bet he comes in French.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
