and she was petting her beer can
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
