My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
