i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
