dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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