the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
