Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
