its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
