Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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