just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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