So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
