then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
