please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
