girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
God, I missed his penis.
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