His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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